Your dad touched me again.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
