Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
