Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
