His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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