Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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