his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize