I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize