dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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