So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
