My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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