well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
