Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
