Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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