I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize