Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
