You really coming over, don't trick.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
