Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she peed on how many people?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
