dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
