I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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