I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
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I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
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damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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