barbara walters just said penis...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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