These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
