Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
