those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize