Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
