she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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