Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
