If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
