Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
