take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
