honey bunches of taint.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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