What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
