The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
