I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
