Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
