people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
