Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
