There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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