i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
