Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
