My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
