Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My feet surprised me
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