My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
