I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
