Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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