Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
