When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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