i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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