i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
