Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
