Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
