she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
