The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
