I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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