Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
