Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
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His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
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Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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