I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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