Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
