i permit you to call me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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