some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize