I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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