I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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